Suicide

Damn that a horrible word. Even saying it is difficult . I tried it once when I was in middle school. I made sure I wore my good underwear (like it would matter) so that my mom wouldnt be so embarrased. I figured Tylenol would do the trick. It was a Tuesday...I picked that day because Mondays they served chicken fried steak and mashed potatoes which was my favorite at school. And tuesday was early enough in the week so my funeral could be on the weekend and no one would have to miss work. I took a shower and put on my blue dickies and homie shirt I thought pajamas would be innapropriate. I broke the plastic seal on the Tylenol bottle it was new my mom got it on sale at Sams it was the value size. I got a glass of coke because I thought water would be less effective and somehow it would cleans the tylenol from my system. And I took the entire bottle of pills. I put on the Shakira (pies descalsos) CD and went to bed. Obviously I woke up with the my stomache burning and my mouth full of chalk. Damn I survived. I didnt get upset but I didnt get happy either I guess you could say I didnt care. Later in life when I was diagnosed with cancer and feared for my life I reflected on my suicide attempt and figuredI was getting what I had asked for but the timing was off. Luckily God really loves me...I mean he really loves me. I recently thought about suicide..but I have too much to live for. And there are a few people in my family that truly love me and would be devastated If I was gone and they would probably never be able to overcome it. Im cant be that selfish but the tought did cross my mind. Luckily my manchild is my hero he is on this Earth to save his momma.