3rd day

How am I feeling? Today that was a question that disturbed me. I feel terrible, I am irritated, and I really dont feel like talking to anyone. The ironic thing is that I seem to be getting worse. It was almost unberable to sit through therapy today. I still have a hard time believing that I "may" be bipolar, I have researched it and its not me. All I know is that I dont feel like myself, I feel pain but I cannot pinpoint where it is coming from. I just want to lay down all day but I dont. I get up and do what needs to be done. Doesnt everyone go through this? Why cant I just SNAP out of it.

2nd day

Today was a big day for me. It was the first time I saw the psychiatrist, this means I actually got diagnosed. And I feel very devastated. My diagnosis is depression,anxiety, and possibly bipolar. This is terrible how can I have these problems. I dont feel sad, I just feel like im sick just physically sick. Accepting my diagnosis is so difficult. I am the one that tells people "get over it, it's not that serious!" And now I am one of them, a weak one. Wow! I dont know If I can do this. But I know that I do need help and I know that it is now or never.

1st day

So I feel very nervouse on my drive to the facility. I can already imaging people sitting in a circle crying and having meltdowns. I can imaging nurses chasing patients who are delirious around the facility, and all the crazy people that will be there. Why am I going? Im not crazy.
I arrive and go into a room. The therapist is sick so someone else is filling in, and ofcourse shes 40 minutes late. No one introduces me to anyone or explains anything to me. People start talking about their last 24 hours and how good or bad they are doing and to be honest I dont give a crap. I dont want to be here. I am not coming back tomorow noooooo way. I feel so lost and hopeless wht am I here? Later the fill in asked me how I am feeling. And I lost it I started yelling and venting. And then nothing it was ok, in fact she was glad that I spoke up. And suddenly I was ok....maybe it was just a bad day for everyone, and so I decided to commit to the program and see what happens.

How it all started.

Hopeless. That is how I am feeling. I am a 27 year old mother. I have always been known for being brave and strong. Friends always looking for my advice and insight. Not even Cancer scared me... I fought it and won. So how is this happening to me?
>Sunday: After laying my son down for a nap I went to my kitchen to make tea. All of sudden my hands started trembling, my vision was impaired, I was having a hard time breathing, and I felt extremely dizzy. I thougt my sugar is low..I mean this is how I have heard it feels like so it must be hypoglycemia. I know I have never had an abnormal glucose reading, maybe I just developed it. Ill put it off for now and mention it to my doctor later.
>Monday:Im sick, I know I am. I feel tired and irritable.
>Tuesday: I really dont feel good but Ill make sure to rest a lot this weekend. Its nothing major anyways.
>Wednesday:still sick. I made an appointment to see my doctor on friday during my lunch break.
>Thursday: During lunch I have a major blow out with my best friend. An hour later IT happens. The "attack" just like Sunday. OMG! Im having a heart attack! I calm down because I notice the symptoms are getting better.
>Friday: Doctors appoinment goes as planned BP normal so we do blodwork and wait to see the results.
>Saturday
>Sunday:starting to feel anguish and irritated.
>Monday: I dont know How I made it through work but I did...whats wrong with me>
>Tuesday: I cant go to work I call in. I just cant be there. Call the doctor bloodwork is all NORMAL. I am handed a paper to go see someone that can help.
Wednesday: First day of partial-hospitalization treatment.