My SECRET

I have a secret. Who doesnt? But my secret comes with the burden of destroying families and relationships so I keep it inside. My therapist said that if I dont face it and say it then I will never heal. If I say it in therapy then legal action will have to be taken..so I have chosen to say it here in my comfort zone. I was raped..not once ...not twice..but for 8 years. At first I didnt rea alize it was rape but thanks to Oprah Winfrey I realized I was raped. No I was not held down or beat up not even tied up. But It started when I was in the 4th grade I was 10. What adoes a ten year old know about love aned sex????? These years were dark and I even tried to commit suicide. Everyone saw me she me as the black sheep a horrible daughter. But somehow no one bothered to take time out to ask why. In the meanwhile the devil was living and still is living a happy life where everyone thinks he is grandious and wonderful. I dont know if I will ever heal from this and I know that I will never have my childhood back. I also know I am not the
only victim but we are all to chicken shit to face it. We were raised this way and we let the devil live without ant repercussion for what he did. I am too hurt to ever talk about this to anyone in my family I can because I know that the blame will be put on me. Some family memebers already know and have confronted me and blamed me for being a whore (this was when I was 16). And other relatives have no clue and will never know. But I feel that now I have said it or rather typed it and I hope this helps my healing process. I miss my husband so much I wish I could cry to him and hear him tell me its ok I love you. But because of my own stupidity I have no right to that...I have a broken heart.