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The internet is full of info on bipolar and depression but its overwhelming. So my goal for today is to go to the half book store and find something. I need to figure things out for my assesment on tuesday. On a lighter note I went to the beach yesterday I was forced into it. And I enjoyed it I actually had a good time and felt so happy to see my son happy. The ocean gives you a cleansing feeling, maybe I am just dillusional but being there gave me a couple of hours of peace and I wasnt thinking about anything but just enjoying my time. But the last two nights have been rough. I keep having nightmares that either I rape my son or that a robber comes into my house and is trying to rape my baby. And I wape up feeling horrible. Damn this whole of having to face my demons instead of running away is painful and almost unbearable. When...When is it gonna get better. Dont get me wrong the coping skills I have learned help me A LOT and being in treament is saving me. Its just the process its really hard.