When! When?

My feelings are hurt. I thought that by now I would have been out of therapy. Its already been over a month. I know I have to be patient....but I am irritated to be there. I feel better. The good thing is my husband is home and that is a huge comfort.

My Child.

My Child
Where is my child?
Standing alone in the pitts of hell.
Gone to a place that I dont know.
Kidnapped from my soul.
Where is my child?
The one that I hardly remember.
She was snatched from my innocence.
And I never saw her again.
Where is my child?
Lost forever.


written by me.

yaaaaayyyy!!!!!!

By the way my husband is coming home on Sunday. He said he loves me and he needs to be with me right now. Hell be here for 2 weeks but that better than nothing. I am so happy!

My Family

I lost track of the love my family has for me. I have been so caught up on my drama that I isolated my heart from my family. I underestimated the strong bond I have with my blood. I am sorry that I didnt pay attention. Not only did I meet with my cousins last night but the entire family ended up finding out. My mom told an aunt (by the way shes the one that confronted me) and she told all my uncles. Everything that I imagined would happen didnt. Everyone is showing me they love me, they are putting their hearts in their cupped hands and giving it to me. I have been wrong I am inportant, I am valued, and I am loved. My people are standing strong next to me. My little cousin has impressed me with her courage and determination. My Godfather has proved his love to me with his love and patience, as well as his commitment to my healing. He said whatever I want or need I just need to ask (wow!), and my preggo cousin who always hugs my soul with her comforting words and her loyalty. I love you guys more than you can imagine. Iam in love with my family and I feel that the links that hold us together have become stronger. From now on my family are my friends and I will dedicate time to them. We are a real family and no one can break us apart. Not even you Lucifer!!!!!

Why am I so terrified?

So tomorow is an important day. I am having what I can only best describe as a meeting with 3 people that I love and trust very much. I confesed to my Godfather about my child abuse and he is going to help me tell two of my closest cousins. I am Terrified!!! Im not sure if Im anxiouse because of the truth coming out and how this may blow up or if I am ashamed. Either way the meeting has been set and there is no turning back. I just feel comforted knowing that my Godfather will be there supporting me and giving me strength. I feel like I am not alone in this. Unfortunatly this anxiety is causing me to go into rapid cycling. I havent slept in 2 days Im trying to remember to eat and I am trying too carry on like normal. Well see how tomorow goes

Ticking Time Bomb!!!

He knows!!! The devil knows that I am starting to share my truth! I am terrified and my body along with my brain are tremlbling. But I will be brave, it's time to face the music. So Lucifer decided to call me and here is how the conversation went.
Me> Hello
666>Hey, whats up.
Me>What the HELL DO YOU WANT!!???
666>Dont you think we need to talk?
Me>No we dont and leave me and my family alone if you bother me or look for me I will press charges on you and call CPS.
Me>Click(I hung up).

Im mad at myself there was so much more I wanted to say. I wanted to say you ruined my life, you killed my dreams, and took my innocence along with my childhood. And I didnt say any of it. Now it a matter of time before the bomb explodes. Im scared but hell never know. God will give me the strength to endure the pain and embarrasment I will go through.

A Few Facts About Bipolar

-Bipolar is a mood disorder that affects at least one ine every 70 people.
-People with bipolar disorder are at high-risk for physical problems,alcohol,and substance use disorders.
-On average there is an 8 year lapse between a first episode of depression or manic symptoms.
-People with bipolar think of their disorder as a series of life experiences with factors that provoked them.
-Bipolar:poles from high to lows Unipolar: poles only lows
-During a manic episode the person will experience euphoric mood, irritable mood, increase need for sleep, grandiosity,increased talking,racing thoughts,increased energy,changes in thinking and perception,impulsive and reckless behavior, less need for sleep.
-During a depression episode the person will experience loss of interest in things you normally enjoy, loss of appetite, fatigue, trouble sleeping, guilt, feeling bad about oneself, trouble concentrating and making decisions, suicidal ideations.
-People with bipolar disorder get angry at doctors mentioning the possibility of a bipolar diagnosis.
-Anger outburts seem justifiable to the bipolar patient.